you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
