What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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