I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
