I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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