I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm like, not good at living.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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