I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
