I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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