How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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