youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
