on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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