her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
