how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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