Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
