Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
