we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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