My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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