Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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