She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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