You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Drunk is a universal language darling
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
