Is it because I queefed?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
