If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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