what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
