if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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