just survived the first fart of the relationship.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
