Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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