i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize