im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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