Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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