A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just found puke in my bra..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
