is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
