I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
