Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
