I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
