Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
