im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
