it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
