so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
