he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We have started to decorate penises.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
