It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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