ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize