i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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