somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
