look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
