YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
