is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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