I just threw up on my dentist
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
