It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
