I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
