this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
