Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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