All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
