your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I believe in your delicious
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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