apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
