I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
