So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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