well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we made out on top of his cat.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
