at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
