Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
