shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
