I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
