mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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