he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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