Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
