he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
