the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
