When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize